OPINIONS

Love Without Opinions: The Courage to Nurture Without Control

There’s an old idea, passed down through wisdom traditions and spiritual philosophies alike, that love, true love, is not about possession, control, or opinion. It’s about presence. It’s about nurturing without interference, about holding space for another life to unfold in its own way, on its own terms.

At first glance, this seems almost impossible in our modern world, where relationships are often built around expectations and silent contracts: I will be this for you if you be that for me. We trade affection for security, attention for loyalty, support for compliance. And somewhere in the midst of all those transactions, we call it love.

But what if it isn’t?

What if love begins where opinions end?

The Nature of Opinions in Relationships

Opinions, by their very nature, are fixed points of view. They suggest a preference, a judgment, or a subtle attempt to improve, correct, or fix someone according to our idea of how things ought to be. Even when well-intentioned, opinions often reveal an attachment to a particular outcome: You should do this … you shouldn’t be like that you … need to change in this way to be more acceptable, to be happier, to be more like the person I need you to be. In this way, opinions create distance. They separate us from the person we claim to love because they reflect a relationship with an idea of them, rather than the living, breathing, evolving person they truly are.

Love as a Space for Unfolding

In traditions like Taoism, Advaita Vedanta, and certain schools of Buddhism, love is understood differently. It is not possessive, not prescriptive, and certainly not controlling. It’s a state of being, a quality of attention, where one person allows another to be fully themselves, without expectation or demand. It’s about holding space for the other’s unfolding. This kind of love doesn’t say: I need you to be this way so I can feel secure. It says: I am here with you as you are, and I will nurture your becoming, wherever that leads you, because your path is your own. And when two people meet in that kind of space, a relationship that is rooted in mutual freedom, where each can evolve without fear of losing the other’s care, it transcends the transactional and becomes transformative.

Boundaries Are Not Opinions

It’s important to clarify that loving without opinion is not the same as loving without boundaries. Boundaries are essential, because they define the space within which love can safely exist. They protect both people’s dignity, sovereignty, and well-being.

The difference is this:
A boundary is a statement of what is acceptable and what is not for your own self-respect and mental health. It isn’t about changing or fixing the other person. It’s about knowing your own limits, expressing them clearly, and allowing the other person to choose how they wish to respond.

In contrast, an opinion is a commentary on how someone else should be.

A boundary is a reflection of what you need to remain whole.

For example:

• Opinion: You really shouldn’t act like that in public. It makes me uncomfortable.

• Boundary: When you speak to me like that in public, it affects my sense of safety and respect. I need to remove myself from situations like that.

See the difference? One tries to control, the other simply honors self-care.

Nurturing Without Control

Nurturing someone into their own possibility means trusting that their life, their path, may not look like yours. It might not follow the timeline you’d choose for them. It might even go in directions that scare you. But if your love is real, you won’t need to shape it. This is one of the hardest truths to accept, especially in romantic partnerships, parenting, or long-standing friendships. We tell ourselves we just want the best for them, but too often “the best” is a code word for what makes me feel safe about your choices.

In truth, to love someone is to relinquish the desire to control their narrative.

To say: I am here to bear witness to your becoming, not to author it.

And it takes tremendous courage to love like that.

A Practice for Love Without Opinions

Next time you feel the urge to offer unsolicited advice, or to form a judgment about someone you care about, pause.
Ask yourself:

• Is this about them, or is this about me?

• Am I trying to nurture their possibility, or impose my preference?

• Would saying this open them to growth, or shut them down into compliance?

And remember, love, at its best, is not a project. It’s a presence.

The Kind of World That Could Be

Imagine a world where more of us practiced this, love without opinions, presence without prescriptions. A world where relationships were spaces for safety, curiosity, and mutual evolution, not arenas for control. It would be quieter. Softer. But infinitely more alive.

• People would feel safer being themselves.

• Mistakes would become opportunities, not indictments.

• Love would return to what it was always meant to be: A sacred space for unfolding.

I truly believe in this kind of love. It’s at the heart of how I care for others, in life, on the massage table, on the bike, trail, and in every moment I spend nurturing bodies, minds, and hearts.

Because everyone deserves to feel held in a space where they’re not being fixed, they’re being witnessed, nurtured, and supported into possibility. And maybe, just maybe, the world would be better if it were about nurturing, and not opinions.