OPEN
Staying Open: Even When I’m a Little Scared
Something I’m discovering. Sometimes vulnerability is not defending myself when someone gets close enough to make me uncomfortable. Instead, just staying there.
Open
Trusting
And … honestly, a little scared
I’ve always thought of vulnerability as sharing something personal. Telling someone about my past, admitting a fear, saying “I love you” without knowing exactly what will come back.
And it is all of those things.
But I’m beginning to recognize another kind of vulnerability, the moment after someone says something that touches a tender place.
That moment when I want to explain myself.
Make sure they understand my intentions.
Tell them why their interpretation isn’t quite right.
Sometimes I have something important to say. Sometimes I need to clarify or set a boundary. But sometimes I’m already preparing my defense before I’ve really heard what the other person is trying to tell me.
That’s the part I’m learning to notice.
Because being uncomfortable doesn’t always mean something is wrong. It may mean there’s something here I haven’t understood yet.
Perhaps someone has noticed a part of me I’d rather not examine. Perhaps they’ve misunderstood me. Perhaps there’s a little truth mixed into something I don’t agree with.
I won’t know if I’m too busy building my case.
So I’m practicing a pause.
A breath.
Enough room to ask myself:
What am I feeling?
What am I protecting?
Can I listen without deciding immediately what this says about me?
Meditation gives me a place to practice this. I sit down, and sooner or later something uncomfortable shows up, a thought, a feeling, an unfinished conversation. My first instinct is often to follow it, solve it, or push it away.
But I can also sit with it for a moment.
Feel my feet. Notice my breath. Remember that I don’t have to respond to everything the instant it arrives.
I can bring that same practice into a conversation. I can say:
That’s hard for me to hear.
Or
I need a little time to think about that.
I can admit that I’m scared without making someone else responsible for removing the fear. And I can disagree while keeping my heart open.
There are limits, of course. Vulnerability doesn’t require me to accept disrespect, surrender my judgment, or stay somewhere that harms me. My voice and my boundaries belong in the conversation too.
What I’m reaching for is the ability to remain present long enough to choose my response.
To be curious about someone else without losing myself.
To let myself be known without managing every detail of how I’m seen.
I don’t have this mastered. Some days the explanation is halfway out of my mouth before I notice what I’m doing.
But I’m noticing.
And occasionally, I find myself able to stay there for another breath.
Open
Trusting
And … honestly, a little scared
With something honest left to say.